He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You are the jesus of drinking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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