last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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