And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
