you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
