I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
