sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
