My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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