I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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