Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
