y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
