i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
