Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
