So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
