If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
