The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
