Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize