dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
