you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
