everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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