Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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