i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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