hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
