***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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