Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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