This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize