yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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