Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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