if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
