Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
