remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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