While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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