i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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