dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
