ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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