how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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