I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize