last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
