Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
