I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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