who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
