Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
