he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
