i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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