Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think people are normalizing furries
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
