my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
