my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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