yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
