I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
