oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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