What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
