i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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