he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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