we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
