I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
