Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
