I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
