Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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