i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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