i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
