You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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