guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
