And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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