piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
