Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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