Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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