Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
