So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
