Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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