Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize