i just wanna soil my oats bro
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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