just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
