I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize