He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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