I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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