The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
