so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Randomize
