dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize