I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
