you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize