Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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