Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
