she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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