i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
