First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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