I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
