Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
