Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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