I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
