Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize