Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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